How You Get On My Nerves
by Wile
Summary: A collection of drabbles involving one Professor Severus Snape and one Miss Hermione Granger.
1. The Lost Book

She knew she had it somewhere. It couldn't be lost. Especially now. He would kill her if he knew she had taken it. Now she had to get it back before he realized it was gone. But where could the blasted book be? Not with her school books. She upturned her trunk. Not there either. Throwing clothes everywhere in the dorm, she still had not found it. Her book bag? Emptying the contents, she started ripping her hair out as it was not there either. She had looked everywhere and the book was nowhere to be found. She was a goner, dead meat, rabbit fodder. He would hex her to oblivion or worse. Frustrated and crying, she sat on her bed, head in her hands. A familiar male voice came from the doorway. Looking up, she him, book in hand, looking ready for revenge with his trademark smirk.

"Looking for this Miss Granger?" The devilish gleam in his eyes was hard to miss.

"Professor Snape, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take it."

"Oh, really? So it just jumped into your school bag, did it?"

She couldn't answer to that. He walked closer to her, stopping when he was mere inches from her. She could feel his breath on her face. "Professor . . ."

"Miss Granger, you shall be punished for this." He smiled at her.

"I, uh, um . . ."

He dropped the book on the floor and pushed her onto her bed. She did not resist. "There is only one punishment I can think of love," he said quietly to her as he settled himself on top of her.

"And what's that?" she inquired somewhat confusedly.

"I think you already know," he responded before kissing her soundly.

Maybe 'borrowing' the book from him was a good thing after all, she thought to herself as she deepened the kiss.


	2. The Dark

A/N: These don't really connect in any way, just short little snippets to keep me thinking about the HG/SS pairing. How a Single Event . . . is temporarily on hold until I have more time to work on it. I'm busy with university life and it's difficult to find the time and energy right now. I shall try to post the next chapter around Easter.

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"Ooh, that's going to leave a mark." He had just run into something sharp, pointy, and very hard. Unfortunately, he had no way of knowing what it was. "This is all your fault, Granger. I should have never listened to you." Everything would have been fine if he only had his wand, but no. She did not let him bring it into Muggle London in fear that he might hex some wayward tourist that just happened to ask him a question. Of course, he had lost the flashlight she had given him as well. That was his own fault, but still, she had to drag him to visit her parents. 'That's what married people do, dear,' she heard her voice say. He should have never listened to her. That was how he was stuck in a dark basement with no light in search of an old family heirloom belonging to Hermione's uncle. 'Severus, you'll go find it, won't you dear?' How could he refuse her? She always looked at him with those brown eyes of hers, and he could not say no. He wondered how he lasted through her seven years of school.

He was not getting any further in his search so he backtracked, hoping to find a door or a flashlight. Either would do at this point, he was so desperate. He continued to bump along, feeling his way around hopelessly. Finally, finding what he thought was the door; he tried opening it instead finding something rather gooey and sticky instead. A string of obscenities flowed from his mouth. After several more minutes of fumbling around he found the door and let the light flood over him. "You are so going to pay for this," he said to himself through clenched teeth. Hermione had no idea what was coming her way.


	3. Snape's Office

Disclaimer: Don't own any of them, just like to borrow them from the box and play with them.

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"Granger, what are you doing here?" His voice was harsh, as usual. 

"Oh, hi, Professor," she responded without looking up from her book. "I'm working if you had not noticed."

"I realize that, but why are you doing your school work in my office?"

"Professor Dumbledore, sir," was all she said.

Snape kept a wary eye on Hermione while he walked over to his desk. He made himself comfortable and stared menacingly at the girl knowing it really would do no good to begin with, but it made him feel better. "Pray tell, Miss Granger, what that old codger is up to this time."

She looked at him briefly. "I'll tell you if you quit staring." He looked away briefly, blinked, and glanced back to her with an expectant look. Hermione continued, "Professor Dumbledore told me I needed to get out of the library once in awhile, find some new environments to study in. I don't know why, but I figured he was probably right."

"And you came _here_?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?"

"Miss Granger, this is _my_ office, not yours. You cannot simply wander in here as you please. Now, I suggest you find somewhere else to study unless you really enjoy spending time with me that much."

"Oh, it's not about that at all, Professor," she quickly rebuked him, too quickly in fact.

He thought for a moment. She had been acting oddly around him of late. She merely ignored his comments in class and did not say a word. This was the first time she had actually spoken to him in awhile. It was odd. Too odd.

"You know what, I should go. I'm sorry to have caused any inconvenience."

"Good bye, Granger," he said none too kindly.

On her way out, Hermione responded in an off hand manner, "It's too bad for you though. I really was looking forward to finding out if you really are as good in bed as they say you are."

He could only stare after her, mouth agape, not believing what she had just said to him.

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A/N: Thanks for the reviews. Just a quick note that these really don't go together in anyway, they're quite random. I post as I think of them. Call it a way to get me back into the writing groove. 


	4. Confusion

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters are not in my ownership, they belong to J.K. Rowling. However, I do enjoy taking a stroll with them.

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"Miss Granger!"

She did not like the sound of that, partly because she did not know what caused it. Turning away from her reading, she looked at Professor Snape. He was scowling per usual, but the anger actually reached his eyes. They were attempting to burn holes through her. "Yes, Professor?" she tried to inquire calmly.

"My office, now."

"Yes, sir." He was in no mood to argue, so she readily agreed even though she had no idea why.

After what felt like hours of following him from the library to his office in the dungeons, Hermione sat in the chair opposite his desk. He however did not sit, but decided to loom over her menacingly.

"What do you think you're doing, Miss Granger? You're going to undermine my authority the way you keep acting around me. Everyone thinks I'm losing my edge as it is. So tell me, _Hermione_, why are you doing this to me!"

She stared at him for a moment. Nothing was making sense, especially the look she was receiving. He was angry with her, but she did not know why. And now he was showing her desperation. It was all very odd. "Professor Snape, I assure you, I haven't a clue as to what you're talking about."

He raised in eyebrow briefly before narrowing his gaze upon her once again. "You'll get me fired one of these days, you realize." He backed off a bit.

"I, uh, why is that?" she asked, completely confused now.

"Dammit, girl!" was all he said before pulling her from the chair and kissing her soundly. She stood, shocked, as he pulled away. "You made me fall in love with you. Now what do you suggest I do about that?" he inquired softly.

She smiled and said, "I guess my plan worked. You could kiss me again, _Severus_, and we could see where things go from there."

"I could, but what plan are you talking about?"

She smiled again. "The one where I drive you so crazy that you have no other option but to fall in love with me."

"Oh, well, it worked." He kissed her again, and she kissed him back. Pulling apart, he finished, "I rather think I like it."


	5. Freedom

Disclaimer: Not mine, JK Rowlings, but they are fun to borrow once in a bit.

A/N: Please review, I love feedback on my writing, just don't flame. However, constructive criticism is welcomed. I gota bit experimental with the style on this one, so I'd like to know what you think. Thanks a bunch.

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_FREEDOM!_ Her mind screamed as she ran from the dungeons back to her dormitory. Seven long years she had waited for the moment when she would be free from Hogwarts restraints. Well, okay, admittedly she had loved every minute of it, but still. There was a certain joy of knowing that you had finished that important first step in your academic career. She was free of Professor Trelawny and her inaptitude, free of Professor Binns' constant drawling, free of Professor Snape's menacing glares, snide remarks, and silky voice . . . wait, where did that thought come from? Hermione stopped dead in her tracks and looked sadly back the way she had come. Okay, so maybe she was not so glad to be leaving after all. She slowly turned around and began heading back the way she had come. Many students looked confusedly at her as they passed her. They all thought she was crazy for wanting to go see the old bat in his dungeons, but what her had heart wanted for years was a type of madness itself, the kind that is only caused by love. She knocked hesitantly, something that was normally unlike her, but in this case did not give away her presence. A stern voice demanded she enter or get the hell away and she hesitated again. No, she had made up her mind long ago. She had to do this, if only to prove to herself she could. Besides, there was no longer any threat as Voldemort had choked on one of those sneaky little bones in chicken legs and died from asphyxiation.

He looked at her with his dark eyes narrowed but a look of befuddlement on his face. He could not deny her any longer. His resolve was gone now that she had completed her time in his classroom. He would never think of a student in that way, but he had little to no trouble thinking of an ex-student in that way. Suddenly, he felt very shy and very alone. She always had a strange effect on her and he had a strange desire to not disappoint her and to impress her at the same time. Perhaps that was why he was always so stern with her, he did not know. As she approached his desk and sat in the chair opposite him, his heart quickened, and he thought for sure he would have a heart attack on the spot, but he did not. He watched and waited, unsure what to say. But it did not matter because she spoke first.

'Professor Snape, there's something I need to tell you.'

'Miss Granger, please call me Severus, and I shall call you Hermione.'

She smiled at that and he could only smile back, a moment in which they both knew what would happen next. He stood and walked to her, offering his hand to help her up.

'I like it when you smile, _Severus_.'

'And I like it when you call me Severus, _Hermione_.'

They looked into each other's eyes and knew immediately what was being unsaid. As they moved closer together and met in their first kiss, an old wizened voice echoed throughout Hogwarts Castle saying, 'I do believe there is reason to celebrate this evening. As such, we shall have a grand feast, so everyone come to the Great Hall, please.' Hermione and Severus looked at each other happily. The Headmaster was correct. There was plenty of reason to celebrate. He took her hand and escorted her to the Great Hall where they would soon share their good news with everyone else, not caring whether they were met with disgust or happiness. He had finally found his freedom, and he was not about to let go a fact she joyfully agreed to.


	6. Waiting

Disclaimer: Not mine, blah, blah, blah. You get the picture. Onwards with the story (short as it may be).

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"Excuse me, sir. Is there anything I can help you with?"

He narrowed his eyes at the clerk, but nodded his head no. She left him. He continued rifling through the clothes rack. There had to be something here. He was sure of it. But it could not be any old thing. No, it needed to be that _the_ thing. It was do or die; he had no choice. Finally, he found just what he had been looking for. He took it to the checkout counter and quickly paid for the item.

: P

She did not understand what was taking him so long. Usually he only took an hour during his errands, but today was different. He'd left without saying a word to her, something he never did. She always knew where he was going. They had an agreement just in case something happened. One could never be too careful you know. Three hours had gone by, and he was still absent. She paced in front of the fireplace.

: P

He knew he was late, but the boxed item would make up for that, he was certain. He hurried to the Leaky Cauldron and quickly flooed back to his quarters. She was waiting for him, pacing the room.

"Where have you been!" She was furious.

"I can explain."

"You better damn well tell me what took you three hours!"

"If you'd just sit and calm down, dear, I will tell you," he responded through gritted teeth, desperately trying to not to lose his temper. She sat down and he pulled the box out of his pocket, enlarged it, and presented it to her. "Happy anniversary, Hermione."

She looked at him, looked at the box, looked back at him with tears in her eyes. "I'd thought you'd forgotten. You never said anything, and you were gone this morning, I . . ."

"It's okay. Now open it."

She tore into it with zeal. "Severus, how, why, I . . ."

He smirked at her. "You like it, do you, love?"

"I love it. And I can't wait to wear it for you tonight after our dinner." She kissed him passionately and he returned the favor.

"You mean you don't want to try it on now so you know it'll fit after dinner?" he inquired slyly.

She slapped his arm lightly and responded, "I'd hate to ruin the surprise for you. And anyway, I made some very special reservations for our anniversary tonight." She lightly tapped a finger against his nose and he kissed her deeply again.

"Then I guess I'll just have to wait, but you know how much I despise waiting."

"It'll make it all the better for you, I promise." He merely smirked in response.

The End


	7. A Little Bit Slytherin

Disclaimer: Don't own them, yadda, yadda, yadda; belong to Rowling.

_A/N: just a little ficlet I couldn't get out of my head, and this seemed to be the spot to post it.

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"Miss Granger, what are you doing!" his voice ringing loud and clear through the classroom. Hermione lowered the mixture from her mouth as Snape strode over to her menacingly. In a low, demanding whisper he instructed, "My office, now!" Hermione nodded. "Class is dismissed," he announced before following Hermione into the austere office. "Take a seat, Granger, and explain yourself." He sat across from her at his desk, which was just as harsh as he.

Hermione cleared her throat and collected her thoughts. After straitening her robes, she looked up at Professor Snape and calmly said, "I was going to drink the potion, sir."

Snape raised a characteristic eyebrow to which Hermione inwardly rolled her eyes. "And why would you do that, Miss Granger?" he asked in a coaxing tone.

Hermione smiled mischievously, noticing the very brief moment of distress that crossed the stern professor's features. She only continued to smile at him.

He was on the verge of losing his temper, but managed to hold it at bay long enough to state, "You realize the consequences of the particular potion no doubt." He had no doubt she knew what she was doing. It worried him that he did not know what she was doing.

"I wouldn't have considered taking the potion if I didn't know what would happen." As an afterthought and out of courtesy, she added, "Sir."

Snape just fixed her with a glare as he thought the situation over. Several moments passed before he spoke, finally finding the appropriate statement. "I would think someone with your seeming intellect would find more appropriate ways of seduction, Miss. Granger."

She knew he meant it as an insult, but, quite frankly, it was a bit weak, especially for him, even though he punctuated each part of her name. Hermione took it as a compliment instead, saying as much. "Thank you, sir." She gave him a winning smile. "And I have, for the record."

"Humph," Snape snorted, not believing it. "Detention tonight for your cheek. Don't be late," he snarled, knowing he was not intimidating her in the slightest, but he still had to put on a show.

"Very well, Professor," she sighed. "Eight o'clock then?"

He merely glared at her and she took that as a dismissal.

: P

Hermione could not help smiling through dinner even though Ron, Harry, and Ginny were unsure why. They all grumbled that they needed help on homework, and she had to land a detention with Snape of all people. But Hermione just continued to smile cheerfully. Ron was sure she had finally gone mental with all those potion fumes she inhaled every day.

When it came time to begin detention, she arrived at exactly eight, much to Snape's chagrin. He merely grunted at her happy greeting and instructed her to clean the cauldrons without magic. She complied even knowing it would take some time. It did not bother her, but she knew her presence later would annoy Snape to no end. However, the next day was Saturday and she figured she could always sleep in. Of course, it would be preferential to sleep with someone else, but she shut that thought down before it got too far. She could never be sure if he was horning in on her thoughts or not.

The detention passed uneventfully enough as she scrubbed unhurriedly, and he graded papers. Neither said anything to the other, as their tasks did not require talk between the two of them. Hermione was so involved in her thoughts that she took little notice of his presence anyway. Finally, as midnight approached, she looked into the shining surface of the final cauldron, pleased with her work.

"Professor Snape, I've finished," she announced.

He looked up from his work, pinched the bridge of his nose briefly, and walked over to check her work. Finding it satisfactory, he simply said, "Leave." However, he had not considered that she had an ace up her sleeve for the evening.

"I'd rather not, Sir," she said almost inaudibly.

"What was that, Granger?" he asked.

"Nothing," she mumbled, looking at her feet sheepishly. Where was her Gryffindor courage when she needed it? Now was not the time to back out.

"You don't lie well, Granger. Tell me what you said!" he demanded harshly. Perhaps he was being paranoid again. It would not be the first time, but he needed to hear her say it again, even if it was just to prove his own sanity and her insanity.

Defiantly, she looked him straight in the eye and said through clenched teeth, "I'd rather not leave, _Sir_."

He looked like he was ready to strangle her, but she did not back down. Snape always knew she was brave, but this was sheer lunacy. If it came to blows, she would most certainly lose, and he knew she was aware of that. "Care to say that again, Granger?" He loomed over her, daring her to make the next move.

She continued to look at him, fire in her eyes, but, as he caught her gaze, he realized there was more than anger present. Shining in those blue eyes was something between love and lust. It struck him as odd that she would be unsure of those feelings herself, but he quickly realized that he had indeed played into her hands. She still said nothing; she just stared at him.

He backed away a few steps. "Miss Granger, it seems you have a bit of Slytherin in you. I would never have thought you capable." She smiled at him in a way he could only describe as self-satisfied and seductive. "I concede," he said, leaving toward his personal chambers. Hermione's smile grew wider as she followed him. However, he promptly slammed the door in her face, taking her off guard. Opening it a crack, he said, "It's sad that you have to try to bed your professor to get a good grade. I hope Flitwick gets the same treatment as I. Merlin knows he's in need of company." He slammed the door in her face again just after noting the shock and indignation on her face.

Hermione could not believe he had just insulted her in that manner. It was below the belt, even for him. There was only one thing left to do, and that was pound the hell out of his door until he came back to talk to her. Finally, several minutes later, his nose appeared through the crack once again. "Apologize right now!" Tears started to fill her eyes, but she forced them back, not wanting to give him the satisfaction that he made her cry.

"Never, Granger. Now leave. You're out after curfew. I'll have to start taking house points."

"You're a bully, Severus Snape!"

"Quite," he agreed easily. "And there may be detentions with Filch, as well."

That did it. She pushed her way into the room past him. It was then that she noticed he was only wearing dark green pajama bottoms. Her eyes lustily wandered over his form. His frame was lean with slightly defined muscles. She noticed several scars covering his chest, just above his crossed arms. Her hand instinctively reached out to touch them, but he slapped her it away, noticing the line of her gaze. "Granger, get out!"

Snapped from her daze, she looked up at him. "You don't want me to leave."

"And how do you figure that?"

Her mind still a bit cloudy, but she managed to pull her thoughts together. "You'd have kicked me out by now, and you haven't taken any house points or detentions. If you wanted me gone, you would have actually done what you threatened. You wouldn't have come to the door, especially dressed like that either."

He sighed. Taking her further into his chambers he said, "You're in love with me, Granger. I'm intrigued as to why. Does that answer your question?"

Hermione could not believe he had just told her that. It was completely out of character.

"Of course, I'd have no problem bedding you if I didn't think I would get in trouble. Students, however, are quite off limits, even for my standards."

She glared at the comment, but then shoved it aside. "I'm surprised you have standards," she replied scathingly.

"And I'm surprised you're not interested in shagging Weasley."

"Oh! How dare you," her anger was rising rapidly, the heat turning her face red. "I don't know what I saw in you to begin with. You really are just a bully when it comes down to it."

"You're one to talk, Granger! You place yourself on the highest pedestal because of your grades, but you have no common sense! When it comes to the real world you're just as lost as the rest of us, if not more!"

"Well, I at least have sense enough not to alienate everyone around me. Just a little kindness can go a long way you know!"

Snape only had one phrase he knew would suit his purposes at that moment. Well, he actually had two, but 'Fuck the world and kindness' just did not seem to have quite the desired effect as the other. "Fuck you, Granger!"

"You just try!"

"I rather think I will!" He no more than had that statement out than he had the succulent lips of a bushy haired Gryffindor firmly attached to his. He kissed her roughly in return, a passion he once thought he lost reawakened by the ferocity of their exchange.

: P

The next morning Hermione snuggled closer to the warm body. As her mind awakened slowly, she began to remember just where she was. Opening her eyes, she took in the private bedroom of Severus Snape. He pulled her closer, and whispered in her ear, "Fucking you was the best thing I've done recently. I rather think it was a success."

She turned to face him, noting the smile plastered on his face. "Maybe what they say is true: You just needed to get laid to be happy." He just smiled more widely and pulled her into another kiss.

The End


	8. Stuck

Disclaimer:I don't own Harry Potter or anything related.

A/N: response to drabble contest at The Hideaway

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Stuck smack dab in the middle of his desk was a real arrow piercing a paper heart. He tugged the arrow but could not get it to budge. Swearing loudly in frustration, he grabbed his wand and tried again. No luck. The arrow refused to move. Standing on his desk, he gripped the arrow tightly with both hands. He yanked with all his strength but only succeeded in tumbling off his desk in an ungainly heap of wounded pride and embarrassment. Fortunately, no students had arrived just yet to see the display; however, in a matter of moments, they would come spilling into his classroom and find the arrow firmly planted in his desk. He tried yanking the paper heart from the arrow. That too refused to be moved. Sighing heavily, he sat behind his desk and pretended to look busy. When the students arrived, he would simply act as if nothing happened.

The minutes passed very slowly. He thought he waited for an hour. Finally, the first student came through the door.

Hermione came in and sat in her usual place. She routinely proceeded to remove her supplies from her bag. "Professor Snape, I see you got my note."


	9. The Egg

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any affiliated characters.

A/N: Drabble contest entry for weekly contest at The Hideaway

: P

The blasted Easter egg was all he saw when he dreamt that night, that and a bloody Gryffindor who he caught planting it in his office. He just happened to forget something and caught her in the act. But what was the purpose of that egg? He forced her to turn it over but found it empty upon inspection. Surely she had something planned for him, but with Granger you just never knew sometimes. She was more cunning than many gave her credit for, but he knew. Oh did he ever know. Of course, it took one to know one and he was the master.

Hermione smiled at him during breakfast knowing he hadn't slept well. She planned on being caught in the act. What use was a charmed egg if it wasn't found? She waved, and continued to smile. The look she received was bordering on hatred, but then, when you give a man dreams like that, he is bound to wake up a bit sore in the morning. Hermione casually stood and walked past the head table on her way out.

"Have pleasant dreams last night Professor Snape?" she asked

His only response was to growl at her.


	10. Ribbon Troubles

Disclaimer: Hermione and Severus are not mine, never were, never will be.

A/N: May drabble contest at The Hideaway

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"Hermione, why can't you just do it? You know I'm a total klutz when it comes to doing this!" Severus yelled to his wife.

Hermione wandered out of the bathroom and looked at her husband. Her hair was in the process of being straightened so she had her hands full. "Do I look like I'm capable of doing it right now?"

He stared at her blankly for several moments and then returned to the task at hand. "Never mind. And you sit still!" The wiggling little girl on his lap giggled at her mother's appearance and then grabbed her father's nose. He promptly picked her up and set her down on the couch. "Lucinda, what have I told you about grabbing Daddy's nose?" He glared at her then stopped realizing it had little affect on the two year old. "Hermione, are you just about ready?"

"In a moment, Severus! And have you managed to tie up Lucinda's hair yet?" Several loud clunking noises followed her voice

Tentatively he replied, "Yes, but you really might want to redo it yourself." Lucinda's black hair was a mess of curls, a hint of green ribbon poking awkwardly from the top of her head.


	11. Penny Complaints

Disclaimer: Harry Potter, not mine.

A/N: May drabble response at The Hideaway. Must include a penny.

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"I thought you said you weren't superstitious?"

"And I thought you said you were not going to complain about our evening out?"

"I am not complaining," he replied in a brusque manner and continued walking on. She remained rooted where she had stopped. When he realized she was no longer with him, he turned and asked her quickly, "Are you coming or do you plan to become a tree in the middle of the London pavement?"

She frowned and then crossed her arms in an act of defiance. "You just don't understand do you? None of it has been about you!"

"I never said it was, Hermione. Now can we just return home, please?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"No, Severus, we cannot go home until you admit that everything isn't about you."

He rolled his eyes and mechanically replied, "Not everything is about me. Now can we go?"

"Fine," she replied half marching, half stomping past him.

He quickly caught up to her and forced her to ease into a more normal walk. They continued in silence for several minutes before he finally said, "You know, I was only curious as to why you were picking up a penny."


End file.
